Is my smile genuine?

I am upset.I am chatting on blackberry messenger with my friend.My friend is very excited about having bought a new pair of jeans.How could I kill her excitement?Its so easy for me to cope with such a situation.I just have to say.”lol(i still don’t get how these three letters could change very mood to being subtle),thats cool!” and then go on to adding a never ending series of smileys all smiling,kissing,hugging and more smiles.Here, more than deceiving my friend,I have deceived myself.

At times,more than often now,I perplex myself.I simply don’t get what I expect from me or those around.Its reaching such an exaggerated state these days that I am lost in figuring out whether am happy or am I just ok.Its then I went on to pondering,where does this scale of measurement lie?Which part of our brain, mind or body tells us how happy we are.Today when things are getting so complicated when we actually have to fall back on Facebook applications,scan your mood applications or even a mood ring I so amusingly came across in a kiosk at Festival city,I think its high time now, we stop and think.Are we really happy??

Please don’t picture me in a flash right now as somebody not happy with life or trying to be all philosophical stating that “no,none of us are happy,Its just an illusion..”No.What I simply mean is for a fact  that when  most of us have today, the convenience  of posting or texting a few cleverly deceiving smileys,do we really feel that way?With all the instant message applications and the extensive smileys which can be upgraded every other day to get a few more into the list of the endless expressions one could feel for another, assessing the complicated nature of man has just gotten all the more complicated.

Staring out of my large glass window, right up on the 14th floor and watching the sea ahead and the cars lined on the road as though they popped out of the lego set,I often wonder,what I feel like.Do I really feel like that romantic lover with love up to the brim of my heart that everything around looks all mystical?Or am I just saturated with the never differing view I catch hold of each day.Its when I irritate myself with these questions,I turn back and catch hold of the mood ring hanging on the little ring holder dangling from my mirror.My cousin once gifted me this ring and said,”May it always remain purple.” And I flattered myself into believing that and wished the same as well.(the mood ring turns purple which is the color code for being happy).Each time I wore it and it turned purple I would get exhilarated at feeling happy just because the ring told me I was happy.If it turned to a darker shade of purple,which meant I was stressed..Phew!I could stop everything around me (like the actor in the movie who would be statued in the middle of the road unaware of the traffic whooshing  by him) and give my thinking capacity all the strain in the world, only to figure out why I was stressed.

My problem today is -who tells me if I’m happy or sad?Is it my smile or frown?Is it the application I’ve downloaded on my iPad because my schedule is already so tight that its too trivial to stop by and think how I feel?Is it the little deception graphics-smileys(I mean no offense to those who use it very genuinely) or is it the cleverly constructed Facebook application.The extensive series of such applications stand proof to the fact that there are many many like me who aren’t being able to figure out, when they say,”hey I’m great”,if they ‘really’ feel great??

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